After having the worst year of my life in my second
year of University, I have concluded that being a 20 year old is hard. Really
hard. It seems strange that just last month I would have called myself ‘weak’
for saying so, when looking back, I was pretty damn strong to deal with
everything that had been thrown at me.
Without going into specifics, last year was a year of
mourning for me; a year of complete and utter stress; a year of drifting away
from good friends and crying over those who didn’t like me. It reached a point
where every negative emotion I felt over the past year burst out of me like
some sort of explosion, wrecking everything in its path. I didn’t know what to
do; I simply locked myself away and isolated myself from my friends. It was
then that I decided something needed to be done. This decisive action has since
helped me get myself out of the house and has had a positive impact on my
life.
Below is a list of steps which I took to turn my life
around, which has consequently increased my confidence. This change of
lifestyle has most definitely made me feel happier in myself, as I now focus on
my own well-being rather than worrying about what others think of me all the
time. Remember: you cannot please everybody, and it doesn’t make you a bad
person for finally trying to put you first. Do what pleases you, as no matter
what you do, you are always going to face criticism. You are important, and this should never be forgotten.
1. Realise
that change is ok
Losing loved ones hurts. I remember laying on my bed after
being told that my beloved dog Tilly had passed away, my best friend for 11
years, and focusing my attention on one spot of the ceiling trying to rid
myself of the complete and utter numbness I felt. For that one moment in time,
it seemed as a part of me had been ripped out and life was playing a cruel joke
on me. Time came to an abrupt stop and just wouldn’t move forward. I believed
that life would never ever be the
same again. But after a while, I learnt how to deal with the pain. Life did go
on. I still cry every now and again despite her being gone for nearly a year
now, but I am able to smile when remembering the good times.
I was also lucky that my support group banded
together. My Mother, my Step Dad, my Nana, my Sister and my Boyfriend (just to
name a few) helped me realise that I have people surrounding me who care. When
I felt as though that bond between Tilly and I had been broken, the remaining bonds
between those closest to me grew stronger, and they proved to me that time does
heal. The same thing happened when I began drifting from my best friends.
Although a few of them were hardly in my life anymore, I created new, strong
bonds with others, and I am so thankful that I met these wonderful people. I now
know that I am not alone.
2. Start
a hobby
I have been acting since the age of 5. I have taken
part in Drama competitions, Plays and Musicals. Usually, immersing myself into
a character is my escape from the real world. But due to third year stress, I know
that this year, I simply do not have the time to memorise lines and attend
rehearsals three times a week. Because of this, I have been feeling extremely
low, as for the first time in 15 years, I won’t be involved in a play.
That’s when I realised that I needed to do something
instead of sitting around the house moping. I tried drawing, but I soon quit
because I was horrendous and had the patience of a young child. I tried joining
the gym, but I just felt bored half way through my workout. It was then that I
thought to myself ‘how can I have fun whilst keeping fit?’ Both Swimming and Yoga
came to mind. Swimming keeps me fit, which ultimately has been making me feel
better about myself, whilst Yoga has kept my negative thoughts at bay due to
the deep breathing and meditation involved. Both have been brilliant at
clearing an overactive mind.
I would definitely recommend joining something which
makes you feel good about yourself.
This will differ from person to person. One person may find solace in art,
whilst another may find solace in a sport. The most important thing to note is
that it is fine to try something and be bad at it; you will improve, or you can
find something else that you are good at. Everybody is good at something, and
we need to celebrate these differences.
3. Carry
a confidence notebook around with you for whenever you are feeling low
Improving my self-esteem has been a vital part of my
recovery. I bought myself a nice little notebook (someone told me I was worth
it – and heck, I am!) and the same person told me to write down 5 things that I
like about myself. Every time I feel low, I look at those things, and it makes
me feel as though I am not worthless. Now, I have even started to add to it. Unfortunately,
we live in a society in which we are told that we can always do better: if we study
more, we will get into that better University. If we work harder, we will get
that better job. If we improve our appearances with make-up for women/steroids
for men, we will find that more desirable spouse. But at some point, we have to
look at ourselves and think ‘is this making me happy?’ If it isn’t, you need to
stop and realise that to be happy, you need to find happiness within yourself,
and to do this, you need to be comfortable in your own skin. You have to appreciate
your strengths despite society condemning you for it, as some of the qualities
that you possess are sometimes qualities that other people wish they had. Everybody
is unique and special in their own way.
I really do hope that I have helped at least one of
you by sharing this blog post on social media, and thank you for reading.
Sending all my love,
Beth xxx